From the start I need to say I am not cynical about dating or finding that special someone to laugh with, love, and be loved by.  I am not looking for a one night stand, friend with benefits, hook-up, or any games…I’m looking for something real that last.

Since this is my website and it is about me I thought I would talk about my for a second. I have been single off and on for the last 5 years and have experienced many things in the online dating environment. I NEVER thought I would get involved with online dating but I was mistaken.

I have been told I am doing it all wrong. I have been told I am too picky. I feel like if I was less picky I would go out with anyone. I do feel like I am doing something not right. I have not been in a relationship since last December (2016). Below you can see what attributes I look for in a girl. If you think you meet those the reach out to me.

From what I have found, it is hard to get someone to meet you in person. I don’t think I am a creepy guy. I try to be a gentleman, sincere, and honest in my questions and comments. If I match someone on any dating app the first and most important thing I am thinking is when can I meet you in person? Is that bad? If I met you in public I wouldn’t first send you an app update. We would just start talking, but in person. I see online dating as just a tool for meeting someone in person. If that is what I am using it for then how is that wrong?

I’ve been told, “I don’t want to meet you in person because I don’t know you yet”
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DUH! – That’s why we should meet in person. Anything I tell you with black text on a white screen could be a total lie. You need to see my face when I talk to you to tell if I’m being truthful. It is much harder to lie to someone in person. But there are many other things that can be gained from an in-person meeting. You can get a sense of chemistry between two people. You can see them in person and not just a few of their best pictures they post on a dating app. You get a sense of their mannerisms and how they act, their sense of comedy, whether they laugh at all. Laughter, to me, is very important. I don’t want you to laugh at my jokes. I want you to find the same things funny. I want to make you laugh and have a good time, most of all. I want it to come natural.

I want to have a good time and great conversation. If you can hold a good conversation on a first date and don’t stay silent make me do all the talking then that shows me I can actually talk to you. If I am looking for my long-term friend then I need to be able to talk with you about anything, anytime, anywhere. It can’t be awkward to have a conversation with you.

I have to be attracted to you. If we matched on any app I have seen a picture of you. If I have your phone number then I have tried to find you on Facebook. I have swiped on your face because I find you attractive. I want to meet in person because I want to make sure you look like your picture(s). I’ve been on dates that girls apologized for not wearing makeup. I told them that was ridiculous. I want to meet you like how you look normally. If you don’t normally wear a lot of makeup then you are just trying to put on a first date face. I would rather find you attractive without your makeup because ideally makeup just enhances beauty but doesn’t create it. You should be confident with your face just the way it is. Confidence is very attractive to me.

All of that said, am I too picky? I just want to get it right. I have made impromptu decisions on dating before and I end up enjoying life for a short amount of time and then eventually back in the same boat and wishing I made a better choice from the get go. I know you don’t realize that at first. It is hard to see the right thing then you feel so strongly about someone. I just want to find the right girl whom I feel strongly about. I truly love people and want to find and love that one special girl who I know is out there.

“Will the real next Mrs. Jason please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?”

So a while ago I posted this short article about how easy it was to find someone on Facebook using just their cell phone number. Facebook recently rolled out some updates over that recent past that makes it quite trivial to find people. You can now narrow down your people search by knowing a few public details about them. You should also check out my online dating philosophy posting.

I am not a stalker. I am a great “Googler”. The internet makes it very easy to find people. There is too much public information about you that makes it very easy. There are plenty paid services out there but I have never paid anyone a dime.

How did I stumble upon this?

I am single. I have several profiles on different online dating sites that I use as tools to hopefully find that next last relationship. I am a romantic at heart and believe that there is that special someone out there for me. I have had a few really good relationships but for one reason or another it didn’t last. I am 33 and know my search is not over. I just don’t have that high school sweet heart story. My story will most likely end in a few years when I find that special girl who I end up spending the rest of my life with and we met when I was mid-30’s. I feel, at this point in time, I don’t have a lot of time to waste on someone who is not legit. If you are honestly looking for a real relationship like I am then that is where I start. I am not on any dating app to mess around. I also have a very proud career in IT and love what I do. I know how to use a computer and the internet more than most and am not ashamed to say that. It is literally what I get paid to do. I get paid to know more than you. I love learning new things and this is the perfect ever-changing industry that never fails to teach me something new. I am also  very visual person. I want to know who I am talking to on the phone, so if I am able I will probably plug your name into Facebook to see your face while I am chatting with you. Sue me! The resources are there and I will use them.

People might call that stalking but that is silly. I wouldn’t call you a professional race car driver because you have a car, or an electrician because you turned on the light bulb. Those are both horrible analogies but for now that is the best I can think of.

How does that all fit together?

Before I would match a girl and hopefully exchange phone numbers. This served two points. The first was that texting is a ton easier than having to open an app that constantly wants your money. Texting on my phone doesn’t annoy me and short of calling is probably the easiest form of communication. Chatting through the app, depending on the app, can be quite annoying. I already have enough notifications on my phone. I don’t need another app going off like crazy when I am trying to have a meaningful conversation. The second point is that about 60-70% of the time I could see your profile on Facebook and tell if you are a real person, and if you are trying to catfish me by what is on your dating profile. People put their very best pictures on dating sites because they are trying to impress. Even if that means a picture that is several years old and maybe many pounds lighter. Most people update their Facebook profile much more often and your profile picture is one of many things that is public by default.

What has Facebook changed?

Everyone knows that for the most part your profile is private so that you have to be connected as “friends” to see what is shared. Yes, I know you are able to share things publicly and could have a very open profile. Facebook would love that! More data for them to mine about you and sell to advertisers to generate revenue. Now you can type a name into the search bar and Facebook will give you some options to narrow down your search like city, employer, school, and degree of separation from you (friend, friend of friend, mutual friend, anyone). You can’t have a Tinder account unless you connect it to Facebook. Bumble links to Facebook as well to pull initial information. POF (Plenty of Fish) has text blocks for location and profession.  CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel) has the same but ask for ‘Employer.’ The main difference is that POF doesn’t share your name (first name only) unless you tell it to. CMB doesn’t share your name (first name only) until you match with someone.

With a name, city, I can narrow down a Facebook search pretty well. Tag on an employer and almost 100% positive match.

The different dating apps/sites have different amount of pictures you can upload for free, ranging from 6 to 9. Quite often someone will share a picture on their dating app that they have also had as a current or previous Facebook profile picture.

One more method of matching a dating profile to a Facebook profile. Instead of showing your name it shows your screen name. Guess what other sites have screen names searchable? Almost every single online profile out there, including Facebook. If your screen name is “Jason13115” and I plug it into Facebook or even just facebook.com/jason13115 it will show your public profile because Facebook makes your profile URL the same as your profile name. Remember back when Facebook asked you to setup a custom username instead of ‘Profile ID 23324621’?

Side note: Jason13115 was my first ever username/screen name/handle on AOL when I was 13 (or better – ASL 13/m/IN)

Side note, you can log into Facebook with either your email, screen name, or phone number with the same password. You have to allow this and authenticate your phone number but it will work. It also helps to be able to reset a password if you have multiple verification methods.

In conclusion:

Do you think I am a stalker or do you think I am just a smart guy sharing some information that is helpful. If you were smart you would update your Facebook profile and change your privacy settings. Anything you have set to public is pretty much searchable on the world wide web. Your Facebook profile is cached in Google and they would love to know as much about you as they can.

Examples of two recent proof of concepts:

I love this site – http://bit.ly/2qVI92R – especially when I am wanting to be facetious (/fəˈsēSHəs/).